DAMNED REALITIES

I am sad and I am depressed. I am happy, no I am sad but, I am not.

When I walk through the streets or drift through the roads, I see people; I see a lot of them. They breathe, they see, they walk but most importantly, they talk and they talk a lot. Just a stare at people hurts me. I don’t know why but looking at them living their lives makes me sad. It doesn’t mean I am jealous of them or I hate them for having a life to live. I also have a life, not to live, but to regret.

 When I see the lights of the city, shining brightly, illuminating the streets, the roads, and everything that comes on their radar, I don't see those things which they illuminate; I see the things in their original perspective. Shadows, shadows of people, they are dark and so dark, dawning the reality of man. But what is the reality of Man?

 Man, who was meant to be a friend of man, is his biggest nemesis. They say not everyone is the same and I believe it. One person is bad and when I meet another, he is the worst. I don’t say there are no good people in the world. There are, but they are rare, rare indeed.

 When I see the sun, it is bright; its bright light makes me forget the past. When I see the moon, the white beautiful light, soothing and calm, kill me but the worst part of it is that I am used to the second one. The pleasure from the sun is pain; the pain from the moon is comfort. What makes people used to the things that kill them?

I think it is Love. Yeah, love, the most cursed thing in the world. It was sacred, it is sacred, and it will be sacred till the end of the world, if true. Love, they say, is the most beautiful feeling. I don’t believe it because the things that happen after are no beautiful. They are horrendous. How can a thing be beautiful which makes us hate the beauties around us? They say love shapes our lives, I believe, but I lie. It ruins everything. It kills our senses and a person without any senses making a better life, shaping a better future, makes no sense at all. How can life be beautiful when you get bound to the four walls of your room? Finding as many distractions as you can so that you may not think about the person who made you sad.

 Love is a drug, a very dangerous one. It remains in your hearts and kills it and we can’t do anything about it. The good part about love is that it makes people good actors, they act and they pretend. We are bound to just sit around and wait for it to complete its damned purpose. Smiles hide everything but deep inside, every smile brings a stream of tears. It hurts to smile. If a person can’t pretend to be happy, it doesn’t mean he is not strong. It means the pain is strong enough not to let him pretend. Such a person needs nothing but love, but remember love is a curse.

 When I see myself in the mirror, I see the most broken picture of all times and I say to myself, “Look idiot, what have you done to yourself?” And the mirror replies, “Don’t blame me, it wasn’t me, it was you who destroyed you,” and the conversation goes on and at the end, I get defeated. Getting defeated by your own self is the worst defeat for you don’t know which part of you won and which part didn’t probably the whole body lost. Win as much as you can, but if your heart is at loss, you will never be satisfied; a void will be left that will never be filled. You can’t win. When the heart wins, you lose yourself, when you win, your heart loses. In no aspect, you can satisfy both.

Sad, sad, and sad, that is destiny. When I see the humanity, when I see the people around me and when I see anything in the world, I become sad.

I am sad. I am happy, no I am sad but I am not. But remember one thing, I LIE. 

All said and explained, I have a question to ask. Is it just me or I am all of you or you are all me?

Posted: 04 Dec 2020

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Mubashir

Joined in Dec 2020

Writer | Poet | Medico.